The Faceless Sadist
The smell of the freshly dug soil hadn’t yet sunk in me completely and there I lied in the dark world waiting to befriend the arthropods and the microbes. I was feeling depressed, it was for the first time I was away from my soul. I did not know where it was. “Did it get someone like me or someone better than me to reside in?” was the question on my mind.
“Hello! You there?” suddenly a voice enquired. It derailed the train of thoughts in which I was. For a moment, I thought who would that be, who would want to look for a dead entity? The voice and its echo sounded familiar to me and I realized, “Isn’t it the same voice which used to pinch me with guilt consciousness whenever I did something wrong, acted selfish or betrayed someone’s trust? Isn’t it the same voice that reprimanded my evil being every now and then because it took everything as acceptable and a done thing?” I hated the times when it criticized even my good form saying it has lost all the morality and it is gradually becoming a disciple of the bad form. How much ever I tried I could not make it understand that the sieve with which it differentiated between the good and the bad needed to be changed and a one with bigger pores should be employed so that even slightly non-good things can pass through as completely good things. We can consider white lies as something slightly non-good because after all they are lies but they don’t harm anyone, as believed. I was agitated hearing the voice because every time I expected it to support me in my deeds, it didn’t. Sometimes I used to think why does my own soul hates me so much and goes against me all the time?
“Is someone there or are you dead?” the voice shouted again. I replied, “Yeah, I am here. What’s the matter, tell me?” I felt like continuing with harsher words- “Of course I am dead and that’s why I am lying here but you moron, you won’t understand my agonies because you are still flying free in the open air.” The voice sounded regretful for asking the question like that but I could not see whether it was really feeling apologetic or was just modulating its voice to sound so. It did not have any face. At times when I used to be vexed by its high moral grounds and ethics, I used to call it a Faceless Sadist. However it carried on- “Look since the time I left you this morning, I am searching for someone like you but I ain’t getting one. I feel like I shouldn’t have departed from you so early. You are a good fellow. I am sorry.”
I replied, “What can we do now? It’s not my fault that you realized it now. I can’t get out of this place. Can I? I am feeling claustrophobic and suffocated. These stupid creatures around me are bugging me. It’s damp and dirty. My surrounding is smothering me to death. How I wished to have a happy and peaceful life! But you wretched fellow, you abandoned me.”
My soul replied crookedly, “That’s what I wanted you to confess. Do you even realize how many people you have hurt, made them cry, left them in despair? I pitied them every time you acted so ruthless. You have been selfish all through. I wanted to get rid of you after you started encouraging your evil side. Whenever I had put you in a testing condition, you faltered. You failed! I knew you called me a Faceless Sadist, I am your soul after all- your better half. I was just waiting to make you experience all these so that from next time you would be careful and would act wise.”
Faceless Sadist. Indeed!
Life is all about a few chemical elements, primarily, carbon, hydrogen, oxygen and nitrogen. And at the end everything boils down to these elements only.