My Inabilities

I have seen very few people who are able to admit their inabilities and I consider myself lucky to be one of those few who can do so without feeling ashamed. I don’t feel bad to write about my shortcomings because these are those subtle things that make a complete me out of me. I am strong enough to say that- Yes I am unable to do this; I don’t know how to do that... and I am ready to learn from the people who have mastered the ability to do what I can’t.


I admit I don’t know…

  • How to fake a smile,
  • How to put up a cheerful face when I am feeling irritated, sad or both,
  • How to forget those small moments which made up my life once upon a time,
  • How to ignore those places, those incidents that made us bind together,
  • How to fool myself and others around as if everything is okay,
  • How to keep others satisfied by listening to them and doing stuffs as per their demand,
  • How to say “Yes” when the only thing that’s on my mind is a big NO,
  • How to believe that I am being cheated, bluffed and tricked by someone, whom I can never imagine to do so even in my worst dreams,
  • How to scorn my ability to have blind faith in you even when you have made things loud and clear,
  • How to hide my tears when you are on my mind or in the conversation,
  • How to control myself from trusting, de-trusting, and re-trusting and the iterations of these three actions even when I know you are not trustworthy,
  • How to lie about my well being to people who are really worried about me or to those who fake worrying about me,
  • How to flirt around since you are not here anymore and you aren't going to come back either...

Adding to all these I still don’t know...

  • How not to be self less, honest and faithful towards my feelings,
  • How not to recall, remind and remember what you mean to me,
  • How not to be sad and angry when someone speaks badly about you,
  • How not to abuse someone mentally when he or she asks me to get over your thoughts,
  • How not to have an uncanny sense of what's right and what's wrong and sticking to my decision even in the most adverse situation,
  • How not to restrict myself from saying what I feel to someone even after knowing he might not take it rightly,
  • How not to relate and exemplify everything with you like he did this, he did that..
  • How not to show the concerns on my face and put up a happy-go-lucky air,
  • How not to smile when those silly remembrances come to my mind,
  • How not to be at those places where we had spent countless hours,
  • How not to keep on checking my phone time and again,
  • How not to have our favourite dishes in our favourite restaurants,
  • How not to listen to our favourite songs,
  • How not to read those promises made but unfortunately not kept,
  • How not to imagine what life would have been had you been with me now..

I don't know how to do lots of things and most importantly I don't know how to forget you... :)

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